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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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But then, I hear this commotion. A group of teens is tryin’ to climb it. I’m like, “No way, not on my watch!” I rush over, and I’m like, “Oi! Get down from there!” They look at me like I’m some grumpy old man. I’m not even that old! Just passionate about trees, ya know?

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